Wowie, I haven't written a journal on here since January! I hope you guys didn't forget about me. I am still alive and well, believe it or not.
Well, I suppose you all might want an update since I've been gone from contact here for so long, so here's the brief version:
Life is going on the same as usual except that I've moved back in with my mom-permanently
. Meaning I don't plan to ever live with my father again. I would rather live in that stuffy old camper than have to forever endure the life my dad makes me suffer through. He is gone on a vacation to visit family in Idaho for a week and a half so my mom and I plan to clean out my bedroom while he's away until there's nothing but an empty room left.
In other news, on the second of April this year I uh... may have tried to off myself again. It was unsuccessful, obviously, and I was nearly sent back to Sierra Vista, but it caused my mother to wake up a little, ya know? She noticed just how out of control and depressing life was for me and finally did something to help me instead of avoiding the subject. So yay mom. Something else that's new is my new puppy. I've saved up enough money to adopt and care for a Queensland Heeler Corgi, and I love him to bits. He's only about five months old now, and he's a real sweetheart. His name is Brazil, I call him "Brazii" for short most often though. My Gymnastics coach found out about my home situation and offered me room in her house and a job once I turn 18, which will be in about 7 months. Until then, I am paying for my dog's needs and my own with the $40 a month a receive from my mom's neighbors for cleaning their house once a week.
I'm...enduring life pretty well, I guess. I'm on medication now, by the way. It's helped a lot with the depression, and a tad bit with my anxiety. I hope I can live long enough to get married, to have kids, to become an author, to create a healthier personality, to create a life
for myself. If I end up bringing a gun to my head before I can do any of that... I don't think I'll ever forgive myself. It's a love/hate relationship with death. Such a dark thing can seem so sweet and enthralling but it's all merely a trap, and I have to keep telling myself that constantly.
I trust that everyone on here is doing well? I miss you guys like crazy, every last one of you. Stop by and say hello sometime, I really do need the company, and friendship is the best medicine.
Love you all, always-Jess